Assertive communication in English

Three communication styles

Passive: Its fine... (when its not). Aggressive: You always...! Assertive: I feel X when Y happens. I need Z. The assertive style respects both parties.

I statements formula

I feel [emotion] when [specific behavior] because [impact]. I need/would like [request]. This formula is clear, honest, and non-accusatory.

Saying no

No, thank you. / Im sorry, I cant do that. / Id rather not. / That doesnt work for me. Assertive no is brief, clear, and doesnt require justification.

Making requests

Could you please...? / I would like... / Would you mind...? Polite requests are direct, use could/would, and include please. Not aggressive, not passive: assertive.

Active listening

Assertive communication includes listening: What I hear you saying is... / So you feel... / I understand that... Confirming understanding before responding builds trust.

Common aggressive traps

You always... / You never... are accusations. Replace with When you do X... (specific behavior, not character attack).

Practice scenario

Your friend copies your homework. Use the assertive formula: I feel [hurt/disrespected] when [you copy my work] because [its my effort]. I need [you to do your own work]. How do you feel about this?

Why this matters

Assertive communication prevents resentment, builds healthy relationships, and is your right in any language.

To go deeper

Role-play an assertive conversation in English with a partner: a conflict at school resolved respectfully.

SEP · MX-SEC-G1-ING-C10-P03 · postura de rechazo a la violencia mediante comunicación asertiva, oral y escrita

Assertive communication says what you think and feel WITHOUT attacking and WITHOUT surrendering. The formula is I-messages: "I feel hurt when you joke about my family. Please stop." Three moves: name the feeling (I feel…), describe the action (when you…), request change (please / I need you to…). Passive people say nothing; aggressive people insult; assertive people speak with respect.

To reject violence you communicate in two channels. ORAL: in a role-play you say "That is not okay. We solve problems by talking, not hitting." WRITTEN: a short public message - poster, school note or social post - "Violence doesn’t make us strong. Words can heal. If you see bullying, tell an adult. #NoViolencia". The PDA is complete when you give both: your spoken stance and your written stance, clear, respectful and firm.